Pass the Pie, Not the Judgement: How to Avoid Diet Talk This Holiday Season

It’s Thanksgiving night. The air outside is crisp, and the backyard is scattered with vibrant red and orange leaves. Voices of out-of-town relatives echo through the house, which smells of cinnamon and pumpkin spice. It’s finally time for dinner, and everyone heads to their usual seats. As the turkey makes its way around the table, so does the inevitable topic of my mom’s new diet—a conversation I’ve been mentally preparing for since September.

Year after year, patients return to my office after the holidays grappling with the complex emotions this time of year can bring. The reality is that the holidays are rarely as perfect as they appear in movies. What should be a time of joy and gratitude often carries a mix of excitement and tension. Beneath the festive cheer, many of my patients experience an underlying unease—an anxiety that tightens their chests as conversations inevitably turn to weight, dieting, or body image. For many, the joy of the holiday season is overshadowed by body judgment, restriction, and guilt.

These feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged. And the good news is, we can do something about it. The holidays don’t have to feel this hard. Here’s your guide to feeling better this holiday season.

Tip 1: Communicate Expectations Clearly

Expectations without communication are resentments in the making. It’s likely that Aunt Susie, for example, has grown up in a household where dieting is pervasive and is not aware of the changes you are making in your own relationship with food and body image. Expectations shape how we interact with others, and when they go unmet, resentment builds. When resentment takes over, it becomes more difficult to express our needs in a calm and regulated way. 

To prevent this, try setting clear expectations ahead of time. A simple way to communicate your needs might sound like “I am working on improving my relationship with food and body. To feel my best during the holidays, I’d appreciate it if you refrained from commenting on dieting or body image at the table.” 

Clear communication helps set the tone for more supportive conversations and reduces unnecessary tension. 

Tip 2: Understanding & Securing Appropriate Boundaries

If expectations are set and are not being met, it’s time to set a boundary. The word “boundary” has become a buzzword, but my experience with my patients is that boundaries are often misunderstood. A boundary is not about controlling the actions of another person. Instead, it’s about controlling how you respond to that person’s actions. 

For example, you might think the boundary would be “no diet talk at the dinner table.” But a more effective approach might be “if diet talk comes up at the dinner table, I will excuse myself.” 

The latter shifts the power back to you. By choosing how to respond, you take control over the situation without attempting to change others. 

Tip 3: Practice Radical Acceptance

Radical Acceptance, a concept from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), involves fully accepting your current situation—no matter how difficult—without trying to control or change it.

It’s easy to get caught up in trying to change others, especially when we want our family members to adopt the same mindset we’ve worked hard to cultivate. But the truth is, we can’t control other people’s behavior. Your relatives may be deeply entrenched in their own unhealthy relationships with food and body image, and they will only change if and when they decide to.

That’s where Radical Acceptance comes in. It’s about acknowledging the reality of the situation without judgment. Just because your relatives aren’t doing the same work doesn’t mean you have to abandon the progress you’ve made.

Examples of Radical Acceptance in action:

• “My mom has a negative relationship with food, and that is her own issue to contend with.”

• “Other people may comment on food or body image, but that doesn’t mean I have to adopt their views.”

Tip 4: Release the Need to Control Others

Many of us feel responsible for changing or fixing others, particularly when the others are members of our own families. But the reality is, we can’t change anyone but ourselves.

Your job isn’t to fix others - it’s to show up authentically for yourself. It’s about choosing how you respond, what you value, and how you care for your own body. Letting go of the need to control others gives you the power to make decisions based on your own values and needs. 

Tip 5: Finding Autonomy in Your Decisions

It can be difficult to stay aligned with your values around food and body image when others’ comments get under your skin. A helpful exercise is to imagine switching bodies with the person you love most for a year. How would you take care of that body knowing you’d give it back to them at the end of the year? Now, treat your own body with that same care and respect. You deserve the same love and attention you’d give someone else. 

When you make decisions based on your own values, rather than reacting to the comments or actions of others, you reclaim the ability to enjoy the holiday season. The holidays are a time for joy, celebration, and connection. Don’t let the noise of diet talk or body judgment steal that from you. 

Disengaging from diet talk and body judgment during the holiday season takes conscious effort, and you don't have to do it alone. As an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist in California specializing in body image and eating disorders in teens, young adults, and adults, I am dedicated to helping individuals navigate these challenges during this time of year. My goal is to support you in communicating your needs, setting healthy boundaries, practicing self-acceptance, and letting go of the need to control others. Together, we’ll work to help you reconnect with your own autonomy, align your actions with your core values, and reclaim the holidays as a time of true joy, connection, and celebration with loved ones.

I provide in person therapy in West LA as well as virtual therapy throughout California. Please visit our contact page to reach out and take the first step towards reclaiming your power this holiday season. For additional information, check out our services, specialties, and FAQs pages.