Body Neutrality: The Freedom of Not Having to Choose Between Love or Hate

If you've ever opened up about your struggles with body image, chances are you've received some version of the well-meaning but overly simplistic advice: "You should just love your body; it’s the only one you've got." Cue the eye roll. Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy? While the idea of simply “loving our bodies” on command sounds appealing, for most people who are unhappy with their bodies, it's simply an unrealistic leap.

As human beings we tend to view things in black and white terms: right vs wrong, good vs bad, me vs you. In a society where being anything less than perfect by mainstream beauty standards feels like a set up for rejection or ridicule, it’s no wonder that so many of us are conditioned to view certain aspects of our bodies as “bad” or “flawed.” This mindset is often ingrained from a young age, and therefore being critical of our bodies can feel second nature. So, telling someone who has been conditioned to relentlessly pick apart their appearance to “just love it” isn’t just unrealistic - it can even be dismissive or minimizing. 

While body positivity is intended to be an empowering and beautiful concept, for many people, particularly those who have spent years or even decades learning to dislike their bodies - it can feel like an unattainable goal. But what if I told you that life, and our relationships with our bodies, aren’t always so black and white? Body neutrality allows us to settle into the grey. 

Instead of expecting instant body love, body neutrality offers a more practical, compassionate approach. It’s about cultivating a non-judgmental relationship with our bodies - not focusing on appearance or perception, but accepting and appreciating what our bodies do for us, just as they are. Body neutrality allows us to step away from the relentless pressure to love our bodies 24/7 and instead invites us to be neutral, or at least more accepting, about how we feel. 

Detach your worth from your appearance

When we obsess over our appearance, we set ourselves up for constant dissatisfaction. No matter what changes we make, there’s always something new to critique. I see this often with my eating disorder patients, where their goal weight is reached, but the dissatisfaction persists. This leads me to believe that the issue, then, isn’t how we look - it’s how we think about how we look. Take a moment to think about your closest friend.  What do you love about them? Is it their appearance, or is it their kindness, sense of humor, or the way they make you feel? Now, think about yourself in the same way. You are lovable for so many reasons that have nothing to do with how your body looks. Start making a list of lovable qualities about yourself that don’t involve your appearance. 

Focus on what your body can do for you

Body neutrality encourages us to appreciate our bodies for their function rather than their form. Think about the simple things your body allows you to do every day. Maybe it’s attending your favorite kickboxing class, dancing at a wedding, or being able to hug the people you love. When your mind is flooded with critiques of your body, try to shift to a place of curiosity - what do these parts of myself that I am critiquing allow me to do? 

Reject black-and-white thinking

Body neutrality challenges the all-or-nothing mentality that we often have about bodies: thin equals healthy and attractive, while being in a larger body means unhealthy and unattractive. These rigid views are rooted in cultural biases, not universal truths. In reality, health isn’t something you can determine just by looking at someone. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and health is a complex, individualized experience.

Acknowledge the realities of diet culture & fat phobia

Diet culture is a set of beliefs that prioritize weight loss, thinness, and an "ideal body," often at the expense of overall health and well-being. It encourages restrictive eating and intense exercise without considering long-term sustainability or mental health, putting individuals at higher risk for issues like eating disorders. One harmful byproduct of diet culture is fat phobia—the prejudice and discrimination against people in larger bodies. Fat phobia perpetuates stereotypes that those in larger bodies are lazy or lack self-control, leading to stigma in social, medical, and workplace settings. These two forces—diet culture and fat phobia—work in tandem: diet culture promotes weight loss as the ultimate goal, while fat phobia reinforces the notion that larger bodies are inherently unhealthy or undeserving. To challenge these harmful ideals, it can be helpful to seek out supportive communities that share your values. 

Prioritize self-care without the expectation of change

Often, we treat self-care as a means to change our bodies - whether it’s dieting, exercising, or any other form of self-improvement like visiting your local sauna to “sweat out toxins.” But what if we shifted our mindset? What if we took care of our bodies simply because they deserve care, not because we want them to look different? Imagine working out not to change your body, but as a way to honor and respect it. What would it feel like to do something kind for your body, just as it is now? 

Embrace that bodies change

Our bodies are meant to change over time — due to aging, illness, or other factors — and that’s okay. Instead of resisting these changes, what if we learned to accept them as a natural part of life? Fighting the inevitable can lead to frustration and exhaustion, but learning to accept and embrace the change can reduce the noise.

Why body neutrality works

At its core, body neutrality is about finding a middle ground. It’s not about forcing ourselves to love our bodies, but about letting go of the need to constantly feel good about them. It’s about accepting that, while we might not love every part of our appearance, we can still treat ourselves with respect and kindness

If you’ve been caught in the cycle of chronic dieting or battling your body for years, you know how exhausting it is. No matter how hard you try, you can’t control every aspect of your appearance — your weight is influenced by genetics, stress, hormones, and other factors beyond your control. And even if you could “perfect” your body, it wouldn’t guarantee happiness. The goal isn’t to love every inch of yourself, but to learn to treat your body with kindness and care whether you’re feeling great about it or not. 

Instead of fighting against your body’s natural state or chasing the latest beauty trend, ask yourself: What would it be like to sit with the discomfort of not loving your body? Can neutrality be a safe place to land? Sometimes, simply being at peace with where we are, without pressure to feel anything more, is the most powerful thing we can do for ourselves. As a Los Angeles based Associate Marriage and Family therapist specializing in eating disorders and body image, I’m here to help you find a path to self-acceptance, kindness, and – ultimately – peace. If loving your body feels like an impossible leap, we can work toward body neutrality together as it just might be the grounding space you need to start from. 

I provide in person therapy in West LA as well as virtual therapy throughout California. Please visit our contact page to reach out and take the first step towards finding some neutrality. For additional information, check out our services, specialties, and FAQs pages.